Tuesday, 9 December 2008

The never ending story

I finished the last post.....

'yours emotionally mended'

I spoke too soon, I should know better!

My mum received a letter on Friday to confirm the monumental headstone had been erected at my Granny's grave. This for me was the final symbol and full blown confirmation that my Granny has passed and her grave marked, I would have to do the next visit to the grave alone for emotional reasons. My mum promptly visited the cemetery on the way to my house to watch the kids after school that day and was disappointed to see no headstone was erected, she went to the monumental sculptures unit and it was closed, typical! The next morning she called the monumental sculpture and he confirmed the headstone was indeed erected and perhaps she had been at the wrong grave, my Gran's grave is the only unmarked one next to the path so that was highly unlikely. My mum doubting her sanity again visited the cemetery and it definitely wasn't there, she visited the monumental sculpture who confirmed they had checked that morning after speaking with her and it's definitely there. They visited together and my mum stopped at the graveside as he walked right by her onto the grass and pointed at the headstone diagonally opposite where my gran was buried, 'plot 228' he confirmed 'yes' said my mother feeling the colour draining from her body, 'but my mother's buried over here' my granny owns plot 228, the plot her headstone has been erected, but she has been buried in plot 288.

The emotional turmoil we have been through over the weekend has been horrendous, luckily we were pretty sure due to the depth the grave had been dug to that it was indeed a new lair. We had unanswered questions and were anxious.....

would she need to be moved?
but she's not in the plot she chose!
if she's moved, the funeral has been a farce and would there need to be another?
as if she's not gone through enough!
as if we've not gone through enough!

We had an anxious wait until Monday morning. My mother received a phone call from the graveyard supervisor 'Don't worry she won't need to be moved and don't worry about the paper work we have everything on our records' was he suggesting we keep the lair certificate we have and when the owner of 288 needed to be buried they would simply use our plot 228, nobody would ever know the difference - aye right! My mother went right to his boss, who also confirmed there was no need to move her and they would contact the owner of the plot. He was proactive and confirmed they had somebody going to visit the elderly lady to explain the situation and offer her a swap or any other plot of her choice but we would have to give her time to consider. Can you imagine how she must feel, it's invasive, someone else's mother in your grave!

Fortunately it was a new lair and there were no other occupants or her body would have to have been exhumed, with paperwork to the home office for permission. I have got over the upset of her not being in the final resting place of her choice as to move her would be far worse and I know there are far worse situations in the world, but of all the things we did in the 9 days after she died to make sure everything was done as nicely as possible for a good send off, never for one minute did we think about checking the plot was the right number!

For everyones information, plot numbers are always etched on the side of headstones so you can see what plot number is next to you for confirmation. Interesting info given by the monumental sculpture while he tried to make it noted he had got everything right.

I personally hold responsible the gravedigger who did not double check the number and coinsidently only 228 & 288 were the 2 unmarked graves left in that area. But a little bit of me holds the undertaken responsible you would think they would also check.

We eagarly await confirmation that the other owner will release her right to that plot. If not then it's a legal battle, one I gather we would win as exhuming is a last resort.

Rest in peace - that's a bloody laugh!


Anonymous said...

I can imagine it was a trauma for you. The funeral is difficult enough to go through without having something like this to contend with afterwards. Mistakes are made, we are humans after all, but that just simply is not good enough.

CJ xx

She's like the wind said...

That's exactly what it's been human error, we are now having to wait until the beginning of the week before the lady and a family member can go and look at the situation. xx

Casdok said...

I cant even begin to imagine your emotional turmoil. How very upsetting for you all. And i hope it dosnt end in a legal battle.

She's like the wind said...

Hopefully we will have an answer today, the lady is visiting the grave today at 10am and all being weel she will release her right to plot 288! x

Sparx said...

Oh sweetie, how awful for everyone - really really awful, I'm so sorry - I hope the outcome was good for everyone,


Shana said...

That is just horrid. So sorry