Monday, 22 December 2008

And finally...............

The lady owner of 288 has released the rights to the plot. She visited last Monday and through the tittle tattle of the monumental sculpture we discovered she has got herself another plot in the old part of the cemetery next to some other family members and she is delighted, apparently there were no lairs left in the old part when she bought her lair and since the expansion and release of all the new plots some lairs in the older part were exchanged. We are just happy it is all settled in time for Christmas, the headstone was re-erected as soon as she confirmed the release of the plot.

I have yet to go and see it as I've had a sick boy, I am fighting of the first signs of flu, have fallen out with the hubby because he upset me and have been ignoring him for the last 2 days and 3 nights and so I am feeling slightly fragile, slightly fragile that's a laugh, I am a walking emotional time bomb and fear a visit to the cemetery will flood the whole of Glasgow for Christmas.

I have ordered a wreath to take on Christmas day so I will have to face my fear by then.

I'm off now or the great flood may start sooner than expected.

Merry Christmas and a happy new year to you all. xx

Tuesday, 9 December 2008

The never ending story

I finished the last post.....

'yours emotionally mended'

I spoke too soon, I should know better!

My mum received a letter on Friday to confirm the monumental headstone had been erected at my Granny's grave. This for me was the final symbol and full blown confirmation that my Granny has passed and her grave marked, I would have to do the next visit to the grave alone for emotional reasons. My mum promptly visited the cemetery on the way to my house to watch the kids after school that day and was disappointed to see no headstone was erected, she went to the monumental sculptures unit and it was closed, typical! The next morning she called the monumental sculpture and he confirmed the headstone was indeed erected and perhaps she had been at the wrong grave, my Gran's grave is the only unmarked one next to the path so that was highly unlikely. My mum doubting her sanity again visited the cemetery and it definitely wasn't there, she visited the monumental sculpture who confirmed they had checked that morning after speaking with her and it's definitely there. They visited together and my mum stopped at the graveside as he walked right by her onto the grass and pointed at the headstone diagonally opposite where my gran was buried, 'plot 228' he confirmed 'yes' said my mother feeling the colour draining from her body, 'but my mother's buried over here' my granny owns plot 228, the plot her headstone has been erected, but she has been buried in plot 288.

The emotional turmoil we have been through over the weekend has been horrendous, luckily we were pretty sure due to the depth the grave had been dug to that it was indeed a new lair. We had unanswered questions and were anxious.....

would she need to be moved?
but she's not in the plot she chose!
if she's moved, the funeral has been a farce and would there need to be another?
as if she's not gone through enough!
as if we've not gone through enough!

We had an anxious wait until Monday morning. My mother received a phone call from the graveyard supervisor 'Don't worry she won't need to be moved and don't worry about the paper work we have everything on our records' was he suggesting we keep the lair certificate we have and when the owner of 288 needed to be buried they would simply use our plot 228, nobody would ever know the difference - aye right! My mother went right to his boss, who also confirmed there was no need to move her and they would contact the owner of the plot. He was proactive and confirmed they had somebody going to visit the elderly lady to explain the situation and offer her a swap or any other plot of her choice but we would have to give her time to consider. Can you imagine how she must feel, it's invasive, someone else's mother in your grave!

Fortunately it was a new lair and there were no other occupants or her body would have to have been exhumed, with paperwork to the home office for permission. I have got over the upset of her not being in the final resting place of her choice as to move her would be far worse and I know there are far worse situations in the world, but of all the things we did in the 9 days after she died to make sure everything was done as nicely as possible for a good send off, never for one minute did we think about checking the plot was the right number!

For everyones information, plot numbers are always etched on the side of headstones so you can see what plot number is next to you for confirmation. Interesting info given by the monumental sculpture while he tried to make it noted he had got everything right.

I personally hold responsible the gravedigger who did not double check the number and coinsidently only 228 & 288 were the 2 unmarked graves left in that area. But a little bit of me holds the undertaken responsible you would think they would also check.

We eagarly await confirmation that the other owner will release her right to that plot. If not then it's a legal battle, one I gather we would win as exhuming is a last resort.

Rest in peace - that's a bloody laugh!

Friday, 5 December 2008


I started my 'journey' in October 2007 after my dear friend's father died and I had to attend his funeral. I say 'had to' because it was the right thing to do, I would have chosen not to, but the hubby said I 'had to, it was my friend and it was only right.' I don't want to recap completely but the journey started due to my complete devastation at dealing with other peoples death, being in a worst state than the family themselves lead to embarrassment and therefore I avoided funerals at all costs. Having laid out my life story for all to read, my being an only, lonely child and having an alcoholic father and a very interesting evening with medium, I realised through my 'journey' that I was grieving, grieving for my father who chose alcohol over me and subsequently died when I was 19 in 1991. I only stared grieving in 2001 when my father paid me a visit through a medium, a friend, a person who does this for free, there was no con. I have now come to the conclusion that is why I get myself into such a state because I am expressing my own bottled up grief. I promised the medium I would write him a letter, a letter about me from me, detailing how I feel about his love for beer and whisky over me, she pointed out quite clearly this should not be about others, purely about me and my feelings. It was right she should point this out as I automatically think about how my mum as a mother must have felt and how she feels now, on her own, without having ever found love again or even a companion. The words the medium said to me that night, I believe, started the grieving process. 'Write the letter and he will heal you' she said, those words have rung in my head for over 7 years now, I didn't know I needed healing until that point and I have felt sad and empty ever since. The post before I was ready to write the letter was written and the next step was to write it, I felt ready, I knew exactly what I wanted to and needed to say and then the sad and empty feeling left and all of a sudden the letter didn't seem important, it was as if writing my whole life story down was enough. Everything had been said.

My life has changed again since the death of my granny and in a more positive way. I suppose anyone who has dealt with the death of an elderly relative must feel like this but for me it's a revelation. It has been 3 years since we cleared her house and she went into the home and at that point I naturally started grieving, grieving for the woman that once was and then spent the rest of the time dreading the day she dies and yet when that day came she was so old and frail and ill that it was an absolute blessing and I no longer felt worried about the grief because it was such a relief and now, silly as it may sound, I feel that she can be with me once again in spirit and I am comforted by that. I was also comforted by the cards and kind words that people wrote to me, I have had to leave shops on occasions when trying to buy a card with nice words because I get all emotional and I never thought for one minute I would be able to read cards sent after the death of a loved one but I did because the words were true. The funeral was 9 days after her death, 9 days we had to make sure everything was done to the best of our ability to give her the best sent off and I believe we did. I didn't dread the funeral the way I have others and I did cry - from the moment I passed the cemetery on the way to the funeral, to my mum's where she showed me a lovely bouquet of flowers, to the funeral parlour, into see my granny, through the service, strangely stopped in the funeral car, restarted at the graveside and finally dried up at in the funeral car on the way for the meal. But not once did I sob uncontrollably the way I have at others, I say others, I've only been to two, but they were enough and I don't feel the same about death and funerals as I once did and I believe that's because I no longer dread the day my granny dies!

Yours emotionally mended
Windy xx