Today I start a journey and as the journey goes on I hope to make sense of it. I was going to do a post on my father, which effectively I still am but I am going to go back to the beginning, the very beginning. Let me explain the reasoning, I spoke yesterday about the fact that perhaps I haven't grieved properly for my father and my papa and I can't really sum up my father in one post. I had an encounter about 5-6 years ago with a spiritualist at a friends house, when I say a spiritualist, she was a neighbour of the friend whose house I was at and she has 'the gift,' we were having a wee ladies night and at the end of the night she spoke to me about my father and since that time I have never felt right emotionally. As we go further down the line I will speak in detail about her, but her closing words were 'write a letter to your dad and leave it somewhere safe, he will heal your pain' I had until that night not realised I was in pain, she also suggested lighting candles, sitting in front of a mirror and praying and he would come to me. I promised to do the letter, but not the candles for obvious reasons. To this day I have never done the letter, I am afraid of the emotional upset that comes with it, for about 2 years the events that took place that night played turmoil with my mind. So the journey is this, I want to replay my life, out loud, with the end result being the letter and perhaps some day I will be brave enough to light the candles.
I don't know what it will achieve or what to expect, I feel as though I was given a mission and I haven't completed it and until I do it will hang over me. I was happy we spoke, don't get me wrong, but in a way I feel she devastated me. She is making me deal with something that is locked away deep inside.
On the plus side I'm only 35 so it shouldn't take too long to deal with my life.....
I hope you will join me on my journey.