Friday, 12 October 2007

The journey - day 1

Today I start a journey and as the journey goes on I hope to make sense of it. I was going to do a post on my father, which effectively I still am but I am going to go back to the beginning, the very beginning. Let me explain the reasoning, I spoke yesterday about the fact that perhaps I haven't grieved properly for my father and my papa and I can't really sum up my father in one post. I had an encounter about 5-6 years ago with a spiritualist at a friends house, when I say a spiritualist, she was a neighbour of the friend whose house I was at and she has 'the gift,' we were having a wee ladies night and at the end of the night she spoke to me about my father and since that time I have never felt right emotionally. As we go further down the line I will speak in detail about her, but her closing words were 'write a letter to your dad and leave it somewhere safe, he will heal your pain' I had until that night not realised I was in pain, she also suggested lighting candles, sitting in front of a mirror and praying and he would come to me. I promised to do the letter, but not the candles for obvious reasons. To this day I have never done the letter, I am afraid of the emotional upset that comes with it, for about 2 years the events that took place that night played turmoil with my mind. So the journey is this, I want to replay my life, out loud, with the end result being the letter and perhaps some day I will be brave enough to light the candles.

I don't know what it will achieve or what to expect, I feel as though I was given a mission and I haven't completed it and until I do it will hang over me. I was happy we spoke, don't get me wrong, but in a way I feel she devastated me. She is making me deal with something that is locked away deep inside.

On the plus side I'm only 35 so it shouldn't take too long to deal with my life.....

I hope you will join me on my journey.


Anonymous said...

It might help to release the pent up grief you clearly have within you. We sometimes get to the point in life when it is time to move on and deal with whatever it is that is eating away, preventing us from being truly happy. You may find your journey helps or you may find it makes no difference. Whichever the outcome, you will have taken the journey for yourself, discovering hidden emotions which this phase of your life will give you the confidence to deal with. I'm with you. And I'm looking forward to hearing what your heart will set free. Good luck. Your father will appear to you whether you light candles or not. Have faith in his presence.

Crystal xx

Anonymous said...

I agree with Crystal - and I like the way she worded everything, so I will just leave it at that. I do hope your journey provides the clarity and closure that you are hoping for.

Self employed mum said...

OMG Crystal you couldn't have summed it up any better. Thank you. I do have faith in his presence but I'm a little scared which is only natural, but the reiki helps.

'truly happy' that is the expression I have been looking for, I am happy and confident but there is just something missing so my aim at the end of the journey is to be 'truly happy' I hope you will join me on my journey. xx

Self employed mum said...

Thank you Driving I appreciate your support. xx

dgibbs said...

I looking forward to more. Come on over and have a look at my blog cause TAG YOUR IT!

Suzy said...

The journey is so important. It opens up so many doors you never knew existed. Just keep writing.

Writing is such therapy. Just put everything down on paper and don't judge. Just let it flow as you have been doing.