Tuesday, 18 March 2008

Family Wedding

We are soon to go to a family wedding, he is the oldest nephew in the family and is marrying an English girl, the English girl has been married before and has 2 children, they have gone on to have another 2 children together and now decided to marry. All very nice, a family wedding, everyone loves a family wedding - don't they?

They are getting married in Comlongon Castle, near Dumfries, which is set in the most beautiful grounds, a picturesque, perfect wedding setting. As they are marrying on the Sunday at 2pm we are travelling down on the Saturday and staying in a Travelodge the Saturday and Sunday, to avoid arriving crumpled on the day of the wedding, £120 ca ching!

When it was his sister's wedding, the first of the nieces/nephews to marry, we went all out, I must have spent nearly £200 on my full outfit, shoes, hat, bag etc, my daughter was a flower girl and my son a page boy, all the cousins were involved in the bridal party, I felt it a bit ridiculous, there were 4 bridesmaids and 6 or 7 flower girls + page boys. I made very good use of that outfit as I had many occasions that year, all with different company, so I definitely got my monies worth. This time I have no inclination to go 'all out' I grudge the money, mainly because I don't have any! Two years ago when it was my son's and my niece's communion, within a 3 week period, plus my son's confirmation we had to shell out for 2 suits for the hubby and 2 outfits for me + shoes, bag, you know how it is! I managed to get a nice white trouser suit, from Tesco, after hunting all shops known to man for a nice trouser suit, I saw this suit while doing my shopping. I wore the trousers, a nice red top with white crochet cardigan, lovely wedged red patent sandals & white bag for my nieces communion and then 3 weeks later for my son's I changed the top and added the jacket and nobody noticed it was the same trousers, shoes and bag!! Or nobody cared. This year I have the wedding and my daughters communion and the hubby's 40th, so I am thinking of wearing the white trouser suit to the wedding and then I can worry about my daughters communion when I get back. I thought I might add one of these pin on cloth flowers to the outfit, in red, to make it more weddingy and save myself a fortune.

So we have the cost of
  • the Travelodge - £120
  • the dinner for 4 + drinks on arrival - let's say £60.00
  • hubby's kilt - £47.00 + insurance £4.50
  • son's kilt - £40.00 + insurance £4.50
  • daughters outfit + shoes - £??.?? still to be bought
  • my pin on flower - £?? still to be bought
  • haircuts all round - £20.00 (girl comes to the house)
  • nails done - £? (hairdresser who comes to the house also does nails, I have no idea how much as I am never this vain, but decided if I wasn't getting an new outfit I should have my nails done)
  • eyebrows & moustache waxed - £10.00
  • half bottles of vodka to take to wedding, due to excessive prices of alcohol in Castle - £12.00
  • drinks at wedding, that we can't avoid - ca ching, ca ching, ca ching!!

On a plus point the bride and groom have specifically said on the invitation that they are not accepting wedding presents due to the expense of having to travel and stay in accommodation - RESULT. But oh no sorry, can't possibly go without a gift of some description + a card and some very nice wedding paper - £20

I am hubby family partied out, when you have 6 sisters and 2 brothers this inevitably leads to many nieces and nephew's and more outfits. My hubby is 8th out of nine children and as the family stands at the moment his oldest sister is 53 and youngest brother is 34, oldest nephew, out of 19 grandchildren, is 29 and youngest is 8 (my daughter), 2 great nieces age 3 and 2 and 1 great nephew, nearly 1, not forgetting the 'add-on children' who come with a parent who marry's a member of the hubby's family of which there are 6. So every year brings a mass of celebrations of varying kinds, 50th, 40th, 30th, 21st, 18th, special wedding anniversaries, communions, we reach the last communion hurdle in May and just when you think there can be no more, the mass of children in their 20's start to meet people and want to marry!

As well as the money and the outfit dilemma, I am apprehensive as the 'sister-in-law' who caused all the bother will be there and she makes my blood boil, that coupled with the fact her husband, the hubby's brother, is being a complete TIT can send me into a complete rage. My sister-in-law who stays at home with her mother has had an operation, I took the kids to visit her when she came out of hospital, one of the 'add-on children' was there and was due to be collected by the TIT, her stepdad, he saw my car outside and phoned into the house to have the 'add-on child' sent out. He is not man enough to come in and face me, he thinks I have done all these terrible things to him and his wife, because his wife said so. I find this deeply offensive considering he has known me for near on 17 years. I wanted to run outside the house that night and scream


aaahhhh does that feel better. But of course I wouldn't lower myself to using such language in front of the children and my mother-in-law might have something to say.......

But I am an adult, I will stand tall, I will smile and I will enjoy myself if it kills me. I will not let these underhand, lying individuals get the better of me.

I came home to discover one of hte nieces has just got engaged - hooorrayyy another family wedding - eventually....can't wait.


Expatmum said...

I think you should get yourself a sewing machine!! You can do wonders with some brightly coloured material these days. I must go and lie down now - it's exhausting reading about this upcoming wedding!

She's like the wind said...

Expatmum - if I had the time or the inclination or I could even sew I might consider it. My whole life is exhausting and yet I don't even seem to do much. x

Manic Mother Of Five said...

Don't get me started on the delights of in-laws. I could tell you tales that would make your hair curl, including the current mother in law trying to throw me down some stairs!

Chin up Windy, remember you're the sane, normal one in this lot!


Maggie May said...

Oh dear.... you can choose your friends but not your family! I think we all have some one who we might gladly murder!
I am a great believer in buying a couple of plain items, trousers or a dress or skirt that can be made to look different with bright scarves or jackets & can be re hashed quite easily.
it is all getting ridiculous & often the marriages don't last anyway. I know that's terribly negative but much money is wasted.

She's like the wind said...

MMOF - I've been straightening my hair for years, the last thing I need is curls, well at least until after the wedding. You're mother-in-law tried to throw you down the stairs, is she mad? Quite probably, I assume.

Thank you for reminding me I am the sane, normal one. x

MaggieMay - you made me laugh out loud with 'the marriages don't last anyway' never a truer word was said, how funny. x

Manic Mother Of Five said...

And I am living walking proof that marriages don't last!!! Well I've managed 10 years with this one, do I get a long service medal???

She's like the wind said...

Hi MMOF, well done 10 years, surely a medal, I will be 12 years married this May, we should all get medals for getting married in the first place! x

Sparx said...

You're so good - I have a revolving wardrobe for all functions except weddings and just change the accessories. Nobody really notices anything anywa, they're all too busy worrying about their own outfits. I mean, can you remember what everyone else wore? Give yourself a break hon!

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Frog in the Field said...

For goodness sake woman, calm down.
Rise above it and look fabulous and happy. That's the way to go. I used to get into the very same sort of place as you've described so well. My problem inlaws are all fine and dandy now, but I watch my back, just in case.
(I did feel the need to be violent towards one for some time.)
When I was thirty, I had a large party and wore a short skirt, I looked really good in it, thankfully I have slim legs. My MIL took one look at me and said, very loudly, if I'd known you were going to wear such an unsuitable skirt I'd have lent you my long black one"

She's like the wind said...

Sparx, nice to see you, you're right I can never remember what anyone was wearing, I am now past the stage of caring!

Frog - sounds like a nice MIL you've got. I am now very calm but i always watch my back, you never know!

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

In laws are a pain in the arse. I had a grat set though in my last relationship. My husbands mother is one of the most unpleasant people that I know. Spiteful and bitter and always has a dig at everyone in the family before she would ever say anything nice. She insists that she is coming to live with us - I have finally just let loose with my comments and have told her that hell will freeze over before she comes to live here. I only married my husband when I was 47 and if I had known she was targeting me as a full time carer I would have run a mile. Even my SIL wont take her in as she is such a pill of a woman. When she got married for a second time my husband, his sister and their families weren't even invited to the wedding! Now that she is on her own after her husband died 10 years ago she is trying to play the beningn matriac who is the head of the family and she expects everyone to run around after her and dear God the idea of such a miserable bully sitting in my home day in and day out is a nightmare to me and my husband. He can't stand her but I make him go and see her because I don't want im to regret not doing so when she shuffles of her mortal coil. It's not like she is living in penuary -she has a private appartment in a gated and purpose built pensioners willage with an onsite warden to see to their immediate needs should she have a problem. I go out of my way not to see her. I am much too long in the tooth to let someone of her dispositon bully me ad I am certainly very quick to put her straight when she gets out of line. It took me abot six years of saying nothing for me to finally tell her like it is and to ell her that I didn't get a degree, have an international career and a great life to suddenly scrap all of that just so I could become a downtrodden, bullied and browbeaten carer to someone who neither deserves such attention nor warrans such care from me who is virtually a stranger! The flippin cheek of her still astounds me, She was still at it on Eagster Monday. There would be a six foot mound in the field behind my house within two days of her coming here!

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

oops windy - that is the longest comment I have ever left - apologies about the rant and the typo's! Just needed to let off steam I guess - the woman never lets go and I could scream.

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I sympathise with you, but just ignore the Tits and enjoy yourselves.

I have a brother-in-law who I never see and his wife is a complete cow but apart from them I don't have any other in laws. I guess I'm the lucky one!

Crystal xx

She's like the wind said...

Hi MOB - you obviously needed that and I am here to listen to your rants, no need to apologise, twice! She quite clearly riles you and you are quite right not to put up with it. What gets me is our (everybody does it) inability to say what we think in case we offend somebody when they are completely rude and obnoxious to us. I made a decision recently to be more outspoken and say what I think. Hope you got it all of your chest, it'll do you good. lots of love xx

She's like the wind said...

Hi Crystal - you certainly are the lucky one. I am now starting to look forward to the wedding and plan to have a great time. x

Mid-lifer said...

I usually love a good shindig, but the tensions at family do's can be awful. My husband's family are barely talking to eachother which I feel is a result, but then they insist on pretending for celebrations and then we all have to go along and be stiff, smiling through gritted teeth.

As for my family, I get uppity because everyone is always so intersted in my sister because she works in films and I get totally ignored as frumpy mumsy member of the family (and I can never find anything cheap but nice to wear!).

Great post

She's like the wind said...

Hi mid-lifer nice to see you. Why do people pretend, it's ridiculous. I am looking forward to it, now it's here. I'll tell you all about it when I get back.xx

Elsie Button said...

where have you gone SLTW? How was the wedding??