Self Employment V Employment

As I sit here in my cold industrial unit, did I say cold, I actually meant BALTIC! I wonder, is there more to life? I have decided that yes there is, there must be.



Setting up in business was a great idea, it not only got me out of working in a call centre where I hated working, mainly due to one individual. I had been there for nearly 11 years and that was long enough, it also meant working during school hours and that suits my family just nicely. It is a small business but I have built up many contacts and a good customer base. In year one I made a loss, year 2 broke even, year 3 made a profit, year 4 I still have to put together the account and year 5, well I don't need accounts to work out that I have not made a profit. There are years when you have to lay out more money and don't get it back quickly, things like ties and special striped knitwear all have to be bought in bulk but can take years to sell. This year has been one of those years. I also noticed a cut back with the spending in parents, people who normally buy 3 polo shirts and 3 sweatshirts only bought two of each, that doesn't sound like much but that is an average cut back of £16.50 and you times that by 100 + customers and you are talking £1650 or so.



How long do you carry on without earnings before you admit defeat, let your loyal customers down. I am not ready to give up and I think that next year will be better on account of the fact I will have paid off a loan and binned some major advertising costs making me £400 a month better off. However, that does not help my current financial situation. Normally by now I have pre-ordered all my summer stock to arrive embroidered with the school logo's at the beginning of June, this year I have not, if I continue it will be an ordering service like it was at the beginning, I will carry no stock, apart from socks, tights, skirts etc which I sell on eBay anyway.



I am hoping to put the business on a back burner and get a part time job where it is warm, you get paid and you have the company of other people. I used to think there would be nothing worse than going back to work for other people but I am quickly changing my view.

Where has the time gone!!

Where have I been, perhaps you wondered, perhaps you missed me or perhaps you didn't care! I would like to give you a fabulous story about where I've been and how I'm having a great time, but honestly - I found Facebook, went to Fuerteventura for 2 weeks in the summer, sold school uniforms and went to Butlins in the October school week.

That's it!!

I have neglected my blogging for Facebook and now I need to pour my heart out where do I go, to my many friends on Facebook, of course not, I don't actually want anyone who knows me to know my business, but I will pour my heart out to complete an utter strangers!

Breaking in gently before I rant and will work my way around hopefully catching up on what some of you have been up to. xx

Wii Fit

I'm back on track after yesterday.

This morning I managed 10 minutes freestyle stepping which means I can watch the TV and step to the beat on the Wii remote, managed to answer the phone which luckily was near me and still step. Go me! Then did a long distant jog which is probably about 5 mins and then managed the 2 minute hula hooping. 20 minutes of exercise clocked up before coming to work. I am the woman. Last week I could only do one of these activities before feeling like I might pass out.

Still haven't had a packet of crisps or a chocolate bar/chocolate biscuit and I'm not really missing them now, it has only been 6 days but it just shows how your cravings subside, although I have eaten my way through a massive box of Rice Krispies instead. I still feel tired when I wake up but then I have had a sore throat and pressure headache for a few days so perhaps that will go eventually and I'll get out of bed like the girl in the Adios advert (I think it's for Adios!!), only I won't have wee short knickers and a vest top on, I'll be the one with the fleecy pj's and bed socks skipping down the street.

I'm on the top of the world.

'Today I feel normal'

It's a strange saying but that is how I feel, normal, quite uplifted and happy, well not so much happy but content, at peace with the world. I get very few days like this, I very often have an underlying sadness which I've spoken about before and when it lifts I feel good.

Perhaps it's the change in the diet and the little bit of exercise. I haven't had a packet of crisps or a bit of chocolate since I tried on those bikinis and I have cut out my breakfast & supper toast and replaced it with cereal, with a sprinkle of sugar as I might murder someone without a little sugar in my diet. I know sugar is not something that should be taken while trying to improve ones figure but I know from experience it is the stodge that makes the belly.

I did 20 minutes on the Wii Fit this morning, 10 mins stepper and 3 minutes hula hooping and then I had a few games of the table tilt, couldn't resist and it's all in the aid of fitness, I love the Wii Fit. Couldn't face a wee jog on the spot after the hula, I used to be great at the hula but these love handles must be affecting my swivel. Thought I should vary the exercise daily and the good thing about the Wii Fit is being able to weigh yourself and I am lighter on the Wii Fit than I am on the house scales, but then it's not actually about weight on this occasion it's about being firmer and more toned and about others on holiday looking at me and saying 'Wow, I wish I was so toned and sexy and had those huge pert boobs and flat belly' and making heads turn..... and not having people thinking 'oh look she must be on a second marriage with older children and now she's having another' or 'bet that wasn't planned!'

Hope the motivation keeps up because I like it and the world is a brighter place when you are 'normal' I have held my head high, I have smiled at people and they have smiled back, I had a laugh with a man in the queue at the post office. Isn't it usually the case when we feel like this that something comes BANG and you're brought back down to earth.

When are you due?

We went on holiday to Fuertaventura in June 2007 and we are returning in June 2009. Now in 2007 it had been 5 years since we had been abroad and we had to buy everything, holiday clothes, cases, swim wear, renew the passports - everything. I did not have one item of summer clothing, namely due to the fact I sell school uniforms and work all summer in a cool unit in jeans and a polo shirt. It was not cheap. I bought new white bras so that when the straps showed they would be pristine as there is nothing worse than a greyish bra on show, especially if you play these games in the hotel where the kids run back to the entertainer with items such as straws, shoes, socks, bras, I like my kids to win you understand!

Anyway I have this issue which costs me more money than most and that is my bra size, I am very thin under the bust, taking a 30" bra, however with that comes the hindrance of FF cups, I can't just nip to Asda and buy a bra at £5.00, my bra's have to be Clyde built and cost in the region of £20-£24, so you can imagine a couple of new bras not to mention the bikini which has to be under wired to stop my boobs from falling out underneath and you're spending a hundred pounds easily. So in 2007 I was like the poor relation and only had 2 bikini's with me compared to the then 7 year old who had about 5. So this year now that I have an array of summer clothes and only need to buy some new tops and of course kit out the growing kids, maybe some new shoes and then there's the case that will have to be replaced as it broke last time, anyway now that I have summer clothes I thought I would treat myself to a couple more bikinis and of course the white bras need replacing. I went to my favourite place...... eBay, where I can get Panache separates at competitive prices, so I ordered myself a fuchsia pink bikini, a jade and pink halter neck bikini and a tankini top with hidden bra, that matches the bottoms that I already have, sorted.

The bikini's arrived and I was excited to try them on, getting in the holiday spirit 3 months in advance. Well there is nothing like trying on a bikini to start you on a healthy eating and exercise regime! I have now and have always had a rather nice pregnant shaped belly, about 5 months I'd say and comes from eating far too much bread/wheat. When ever I shed my layers of winter clothing and wear a tight fitting top which shows off my voluptuous bust, clings to my thin torso and then bang, out sits this belly. When are you due, you're such a lovely shape? one very nice lady asked me. My response was polite but none the less embarrassing for the other party! And you know I am ok with strangers thinking I am pregnant because that's exactly the shape I am. However, after pulling out the full length mirror to have a look at myself in the new bikinis I realised I have also gone and gotten myself a pair of love handles, my daughter well she just laughed at the sight of her mother in a bikini and trailed with me to see what the hubby and 11 year old son thought, the hubby God bless him was just happy to see a bit of flesh and my son, he raised his eyebrows with a hint of 'Oh my God' in his eyes. I was then glad I bought the tankini at least it'll cover me up a bit, that's a laugh, took me and the 9 year old about 5 minutes to get me into it. I'm sot sure if you're all familiar with these but they have a mess lining which forms the fully under wired bra and have a bra style clip inside at the back for secure fastening, no chance of wobbling about in this baby. Being a 30" fit it's great but that's equivalent to about a size 6 and trying to get that over these knockers wasn't the easiest, we decided the best plan of action was to haul the bra bit down first, done and what a sight, turquoise mess covered massive mamma's, fastened the back, done and now all to do was get the rest of the top over the mamma's so with the daughter pulling down the back and me at the front we managed, being this tight should keep the belly in, POP not a chance just emphasized all the thin bits and made the belly even more pregnant pod shaped!

So in disgust with immediate effect I will not eat 7 slices of bread a day, all those cakes I have eaten on those lonely winter nights have definitely had an effect and must be stopped and then of course there's the chocolate, I don't drink, unless I'm going out which is rare at the moment, so the hubby will buy himself some beers and buy me chocolate to have with my nice cup of tea, oh no, no more, I will not let this belly take over my life. I am fit, I am healthy, I have a flat stomach that is going to be my positive mindset for the near future.

I only started yesterday and even managed 15 minutes on the Wii fit this morning before coming to work, 5 minutes step and 10 minutes jog on the spot, nearly passed out when I finished as I have done no physical exercise for months and months, obviously, think perhaps I might need to do some sit ups, or if you know of any other painless methods for achieving a flat stomach please do share with the groups

I may take some pictures!! If I can face it.

Jen The Fish

Lovingly picked on the 18th May 2002 by a five year old for his birthday we have spent years thinking it’s about time she popped her clogs, my mum and I joked on Sunday with some friends about the goldfish I have had for nearly 7 years, her water is changed rarely and she often lives in 2 inches of completely manky water. I am not ashamed, however, as I had visitors coming to my house for the first time** last Sunday I felt it only right to change the water, really only so that wouldn't talk about me after they left. My mum saw fit to announce 'I see the fish has fresh water!' We laughed about the time the fish had a near death experience and I decided to change the water and let it die with dignity, albeit a bit late after living for years without any, I discovered a 5p had dropped into the bowl and had obviously been poisoning the poor girl. She came back to life within minutes of being placed in new fresh non toxic water. I knew changing the water would one day kill her, a shock to the system, although I expected a heart attack and to find her floating on her side at the top of the water. I did not expect to get up one morning and find her missing completely! Today was that day.

My version of events
It was a morning like any other but as soon as I entered the kitchen I knew instinctively that something wasn’t right, the splatter cover (being a splatter cover used to cover a frying pan, a clean, unused one, a temporary measure you see) that had protected Jen from the cats was lying on the worktop and as I looked through bleary eyes there was no sign of the fish, the bowl was empty. After putting in my eye drops and having slightly clearer vision I checked again, definitely no fish. I assumed the worst, TIA (the 11 month old kitten) had eaten the fish. But amusingly she was still looking in the bowl for the fish, I always thought she was a bit thick! After a phone call with the hubby I discovered Tia had not eaten the fish – Phew I hear you say, but no, it’s worse than that.

The hubby's version
I got up, bleary eyed like the wife, glasses in hand and felt something wet and slimy underfoot at the top of the stairs, for your information I’m no lightweight, I assumed the cat had been sick, again – but after closer inspection realised it was the fish, yes at the top of the stairs!! I collected it in a food bag, it had a little slit on its tummy and no tail, cause of death appears to have been lack of water. I put it in an empty ice cream tub for inspection by the wife and weans.

Tia’s version
Oh what a night!!! Been stocking the gold moving thing in the clear water for about a week now, there has been a lot of talk about a ‘fish’ It has amused me darting back and forward, teasing me with it’s big eyes, I waited until all was quiet, the big cat had gone out for the night and I finally managed to get the cover off ‘the fish’ took me ages to get it out of the water and onto the worktop, the place was covered in water by the time I was finished, it flapped and flipped and what a great time we had playing together, I took it into the hall to play some more but it wasn’t much fun to play with now as all the flipping and flapping had stopped and it had no tail to grab onto, think I might have swallowed that! Not sure what the traces of red are on the floor but Windy will clean that up later, she's always cleaning. I know what I’ll do, I’ll leave it at the top of the stairs for the fat man to stand on and he can put it back in the bowl and we’ll start the game again.
Everyone is up now, nobody is speaking to me and making a fuss like normal, murderer seems to be the word of today, keep dipping my paws in the water and I’m not even getting a row. Where is that bloody fishy thing!

I was frightened to look in the ice cream tub, but there she was wrapped carefully in a food bag, the only evidence was a little slit along her tummy, presumably from a claw, I didn't notice her tail was missing the way the bag was wrapped. I thought she might have been half eaten, but she obviously wasn't to Tia's taste. My daughter wanted to bury her, but we have mono block everywhere, then she suggested flushing I wasn't keen as that would involve taking her out the bag so I said she might not flush, they didn't want to bin her as she might get squashed - I hadn't told them about the 'fat man incident' so they decided we could bin her if she remained in the ice cream tub, this would save her from being squashed you see. So that was it.

Must let the cat out more.

**I would like to point out that it is not the first time I have had visitors, but the first time these particular visitors have visited!!

Only one more moan - I promise

I was going to fill you in about my loft ....but....I have one more moaning, feeling sorry for myself post and then I promise to move on! I have to say I feel better today than I did yesterday. Today is my Gran's birthday and she would have been 87, which worryingly means I'm going to be 37 on my next birthday, did I tell you we have 25 years exactly between our generations, I don't think I've shared that before. My Gran was 25 when she had my mum, who is an only child, my mum was 25 when she had me, an only child and I was 25 when I had my son and then buggered up the proceedings by having a second child at the age of 27. So when my Gran's birthday comes around it's always a reminder that in 3 months time, all be another year nearer to 40!

Anyway, I'll tell you a sneaky wee bit about the loft, we have had it converted into a room, well really an office for me and with the hubby being made redundant I decided we would use what paint we had in the house rather than spending money that we didn't have to. We had a huge bucket of Dulux white, which was nearly empty and a huge unopened bucket of B&Q value white, so I decided white it was, I started with the dulux to use it up and when it was finished went onto the value paint, well that didn't go down to well as I quickly realised I would need at least 4 coats to match up with the Dulux coated walls, none the less I soldiered on and thought that would do an undercoat. I spent the weekend glossing and emulsioning. Yesterday when the kids came home from school I took them to their favourite place, B&Q, NOT and we purchased descend Dulux paint. After our rapid B&Q visit we went to visit Granny's grave. The ground was covered in snow, I am delighted to report we had our snow on Sunday/Monday, I bit more descend this time and the kids were off school with colds. sore throats and upset stomachs, but I made them go out and play in the snow, so out they went like Michelin men and had a great time. So anyway the kids decided to clear the snow from the ground over Granny and by the time they had walked around and shovelled snow with their hand the graveside looked like a dogs dinner. My mum is going to visit today and I can imagine her face when she sees the state of the ground, thinking someone has been prancing over her mother! In days gone by my Granny would have raised her eyebrows at such a 'mess' but if her great-grandchildren had done it then that would be absolutely fine, they could do no wrong! Granny's aaahhh

Now I am not adverse to painting I find it quite calming and therapeutic, however, it leads to thinking, I have spend hours and hours in that loft, painting and thinking, thoughts non stop running through my head and this makes me sad, empty and lonely. I am lonely and sad on the inside and I need a good laugh. On Saturday night the hubby and I are going to go for something to eat and then go to the pictures, something we haven't done for ages. Hoping mum will take the kids overnight to her house. Fingers crossed. A change of scenery that should do me good and perhaps a mad, rampant 5 minutes wouldn't go a-miss either!!!

SAD

I have to say I'm quite disappointed with our weather on the outskirts of Glasgow, while the rest of the country have struggled in inches of snow we had nothing more than a flurry, well perhaps at best 2 inches on Wednesday evening. I watched the weather warnings with delight and the thought of being snowed in and not being able to get to school and work did fill me with excitement, wrapping up warm and playing outside with the children, perhaps even sledging in the park, although we often have the weather bad the snow never lasts long enough and my children have never been on a sledge, well apart from in the back garden. And what did we get, a miserable 2 inches and a wind that would cut you in two!! What a sham.

I've needed a right good kick up the backside this week, I have done nothing all week, the hubby leaves at 8.30am and is not home until 10.30pm ish, the kids have been fine going about their business and I have drunk tea, watched TV and eaten cakes every night, I did put on a couple of washings and over 3 nights I managed to change 2 beds, I did it in stages you see! There wasn't anything in particular wrong with me, I thought perhaps I was coming down with something and I gave in straight away. But no I definitely think SAD has gotten hold of me and you should see the spots I've got with eating all these cakes, hell mend me! I was going to give myself a stern talking to but then I decided what the hell, I'm sure I'll come out of it in my own good time.

It's my Granny's birthday on Wednesday, her first birthday that she will not be with us for. My Granny now faces a retail park after being buried in the wrong plot and for years M&S have been trying to open a simply food store there, the problem being it is a retail park and the terms are you have to be selling ............, the word escapes me, but they sell large items i.e. carpets, white goods etc etc and M&S simply food did not qualify, however after years of battling it was announced last year that M&S had been granted permission and they would open early 2009, that then became early February and last week it was confirmed it will be opening on Wed 11th Feb, my Granny's birthday and I think she would approve, she always thought it would be great to have M&S close by, well she couldn't get one any closer.

While on the subject of dates, everybody has something that means something to them, be it a special number, colour and for me it's dates, is it a coincidence or does it have true meaning, take our special date 17th May;

I was born on 17th May 1972, I got engaged on the 17th May 1995, got married on 17th May 1996, these were planned obviously but then I spent my first wedding anniversary and 25th birthday on 17th May 1997 in labour from 6am in the morning, well that wasn't real labour, although it did appear so at the time being a labour virgin, before my son finally made his appearance at 1.08am on the 18th May, that was not planned, lazy bugger was due on the 7th!! my daughter was born in December 1999 and is always a little bit RAGING in May when we all have a connection and she has nothing. In our area the Holy Communions are always in June, either the 1st or 2nd Saturday but last year they brought them forward and of course you guessed it the 17th May, her day out shone our connections. We assumed they would now be in May as the local areas are all May, but no this year my niece is on 13th June! And now a 'Markies' is opening on my Gran's birthday. Coincidence or not?

I was actually going to tell you about my loft but I got side tracked so I'll keep that for next time. Duh!

There is hope!

I am delighted to say that the hubby has secured a job for 13 weeks with the same company. I am of course happy but what a carry on. Made redundant but at the same time advised that there was a vacancy for a 13 week project doing the same thing, with the same company but in Kirkcaldy which is 1hr & 15 min drive from our house. There was 8 guys put in for the job and fortunately the hubby secured it so he was made redundant on Friday and started the new project on Monday. We are hoping by the time this project ends that the company will have picked up and perhaps there will be more projects.

Fingers crossed.

Redundancy. It's offical!

Well it's official the hubby is being made redundant tomorrow at 11 o'clock and what a palaver to be made redundant. He works night shift, well it's a sort of twilight shift 8pm to 4am and had to attend a meeting last Friday morning at 11 o'clock to confirm that it was most probable that his position would be made redundant, he was given a letter and told to return on Tuesday. Another night shift, another 11 o'clock meeting on Tuesday to confirm that yes he was going to be made redundant at the end of the month, that being Friday! He will carry out his final shift tonight and attend a further meeting at 11 o'clock tomorrow to have the redundancy confirmed. Three meetings all amounting to the same thing, redundancy - what's that all about!!!

Full of woe

Everyday in my life is similar, I wake up tired as a result of not going to bed early enough, I stumble through the morning routine of getting the kids to school and myself to the shop. I come home and start the afternoon routine, tidy up AGAIN, homework, dinner, bath time, bed time, more tidying, washing, hanging to dry, tea & toast & 30 mins me/TV time and back to bed. I survive, I plod and I'm sure I'm not alone.



Over the last few weeks I have been calmer, the Triple P is going well and I am enjoying my children, when they were young I appreciated every little thing they did, cherished every word they said but as they get older and more independent and grow with me it has all became a routine of who goes where and when and life is timed to suit the children and accommodate the hubby's night shift. Having started the Triple P programme it has quickly become apparent that spending time with my children is far more important than any cleaning, washing or ironing and I seem to have forgotten that for a while and now that it's been brought to the fore front of my mind I have spent time watching them play together, fight together and just staring at them, like you do when they first arrive in the world, stare in complete disbelief that one can produce such a beautiful being. I feel so much love and yet so guilty for forgetting to appreciate my children every minute of every day.



Last weeks Triple P meeting, which was cut short on account of the room being so cold and nobody being able to work the heating! was about praise, apparently after last weekends Wii ban which resulted in the kids playing nicely for hours together I should have gone up to see them and told them how happy I was that they were playing together nicely and given them loads of attention for the nice behaviour, but instead - don't tell anyone - I thought, thank God for the peace. Again I'm sure I'm not alone, everyday "I TOLD YOU TO HANG UP THE UNIFORM" I'd say and the day they hang it up, what do I say - nothing - because I expect it, I've only been asking for about a year. But now I am clear "thank you for hanging up your uniform today" I say. My son then thinks mum likes this behaviour and will repeat it, amazing and simple, complete common sense and yet rarely practised. I believe I have brought up my children well and these are just little niggley things that on the grand scale of things don't really matter but I want to give them the best possible start in their journey of life, giving them hope, aspiration and the ability to cope generally.



The next project is some time with the hubby, again we plod along and don't make time for us. We will have a few plans to make and discuss as he was advised on Friday 'it is more than likely his position in his company will be made redundant in the near future' he has been with the company for just over a year. In Sept/Oct 2007 we went through this and he managed to secure a job with this company and now we find ourselves in the same position. There is another consultation meeting tomorrow and he will find out the situation. My hubby is an electrician's mate and has been for approx 15 years, he is currently working on the Clydesdale banks carrying out refurbishments but with the current banking situation they are no longer spending money which results in the job loses in his company for anyone who has been with the company for less than two years. I am not going to worry as there is no point, but every where I turn there are job loses and it's not only on the news its all around us locally. Luckily the hubby will do anything. I am going to keep everything crossed that for some reason he will be indispensable and remain with the company.



Just when you think you're in control, emotionally stable and plodding along quite nicely some big bastard comes along and knocks you to the ground. I know what's for you won't go by you but blow me;

1. an alcoholic father


2. a stressed mother as a result of said alcoholic father


3. homeless at 17 as a result again of said alcoholic father


4. a mental sister-in-law


5. redundancy for the hubby in 2007


6. my Granny going through TB, pneumonia, a broken hip, dementia and latterly being buried in the wrong grave.


7. and now more redundancy

against

1. marriage and relatively happy at that


2. two beautiful and clever children


3. a nice average house


4. a nice average car


5. being self employed thanks to supportive hubby

So what's going on? I must have been bad in a previous life. I am always grateful for what I have and there are people much worse of than me and for that I count my blessings but today I feel sad and just a little bit cheated.

There' a new mum on the block

I have felt a less stressed person since my Gran died, not that I had to do anything latterly but I was stressed about how I'd cope with her death, stressed about how my mum was coping and would cope with her death and now that it's all over I feel an overwhelming calm, this is therefore a good time to do my Triple P programme as the kids are calmer due to my calming influence and it's a new year etc etc.

So on Friday night I sat with the kids and explained the programme was to help me to deal with 'issues' in a calm manor and there was to be no shouting from any of us, we all have to respect each other and listen and decide on consequences.

We agreed the first stage for my son was to do as he was asked, when he was asked, I would give clear instructions so that he had no doubt about what I was asking. My daughter has to stop speaking like a baby while in moaning mode and I, when asked, have to stop and see what they want to show me. I'm sure every parent does this, you're in the middle of cleaning out the bin, sweeping the floors and juggling the dinner all to a timescale and a child shouts 'come and see this mum' only to be snapped with 'I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF BLAH BLAH BLAH' and then the moment is gone and yet we expect kids when they are playing their favourite game to stop to do something boring like eat or bathe. Usually whatever they wanted to show you only takes a split second. It has to work all ways, we also agreed to listen, again usually one child gets caught shouting or arguing and they get a row only to discover that it wasn't their fault so we have agreed to take turns to justify ourselves in a clear and concise manor.

We decided consequences would be 10 minutes off TV/PlayStation/Wii/PSP/DS etc etc or sent to their rooms for 10 minutes, if it was a serious matter I'm not sure what'll happen as we are taking one stage at a time. My kids are actually thriving on this and so far, so good.

Although I have had to repeat myself over the weekend, I have done so with confidence 'I have asked you once to go and clean your teeth, I am now asking you again and if you don't there will be a consequence' and off they toddle. The most major dispute was over the Wii as my son was not winning and he doesn't like to lose, he was playing the PSP at the same time, I entered the room after hearing the commotion, allowed them to take turns to explain the situation, my son was barred from the Wii, banned for 10 minutes from the PSP and after a bit of attitude was sent to his room for 10 minutes, this was short, sharp consequence, allowing him to cool off, my daughter to continue the fun and me not having to listen to the arguing. I didn't shout once, my daughter got fed up on the Wii after 5 minutes anyway, once the 10 minutes was up I allowed my son to come downstairs, he decided he had found better things to do in his room and was then joined by his sister and they played together for ages, brilliant, I am the woman!!

It's all so obvious and yet so easy to put in place, as a result of the good behaviour, my daughter had her friend to play after school yesterday and my son has a friend today, normally I don't plan in advance because I'm too stressed and obsessed by timescales. I have also decided if I carry out one chore a day then I've done my bit and shouldn't beat myself up about the fact I didn't do that, that and that! I praise myself on achieving that one chore. On Saturday, the weather was nice and bright and I cleaned all the downstairs windows/conservatory, washed all the floors, did loads of washing and changed one bed and tidied, tidied, tidied. My friend called at 4.50pm to say she was thinking of coming over for a quick visit after dinner and I nearly put her off as I still had on my pyjamas, what? I was cleaning. But I decided after all that cleaning then she should come as life's too short to put friends off. Reluctantly I pulled on some clothes!

All I want from this course is for my children to feel safe and secure and know that they can talk to me about anything and hopefully I'm going about it in the right way.

Triple P

In desperation to have a bit of me time I have enrolled in a Positive Parenting Programme, commonly know as 'Triple P.' It is run by the local authority and runs for 6 weeks, every Wednesday night for 2 hours and it's free. It is, as the name suggests, to help you with positive parenting, therefore getting the best relationship with your children and hopes to end the majority of screaming and shouting and repeating ones self several times before screaming and shouting at ones children in order to get them to carry out a simple tasks.

The first meeting was on Wednesday and there were 5 mothers with one to start next week, it was a good size group but I couldn't help be disappointed by the lack of numbers, the programme was open to all parents at the school and I'm sure the ones who could actually do with it were insulted at the mear suggestion they may not be good positive parents. I, on the other hand, was delighted with the idea of becoming the best parent that I can be. I came home armed with a workbook, which apparently will become my bible and a questionnaire, the same questionnaire will be completed once the course has finished to see if, sorry, what the differences are!

My children are actually very good and they certainly know the difference between right and wrong, my issues are simple and brought on by my actions and now I need to rectify these issues, my issues are as follows;

My son, age 11

Lazyness - he is in Primary 7 and only this year have I decided that he should hang up or deal with his own uniform after school. Previously I would have gone upstairs with him, picked out a change of clothes and as he striped I would hang up the uniform or put it in the washing. Now he has to make these choices for himself. And yet everyday I go upstairs to close the windows and the curtains and there it is, the uniform lying over his chair and his answer 'but I left it neatly!' my response then varies depending on the time of the month but always starts with 'but I don't want you to leave it over the chair rant rant rave blah blah BLAH' If it does make it to the washing basket everything is left in a ball as he took it off, he only does this when he can't be bother to hang the clothes up, 9 times out of 10 they're not even dirty. But is there a conscequence for this lazyness, apart from the ranting NO, so what clear message am I giving my son? The message is it's fine to leave your clothes on the chair because the ranting will start, be over in 3 minutes and then the women will do it herself anyway!! So this is our first rule to sort out and I have to give clear instructions, with specific timescales and a conscequence if the action/rule is not carried out. AND I MUST NOT SHOUT. This does apply to other things, I'm not just obsessed by the hanging up of the uniform you know.

I now have to decided on a realistic conscequence. Short, sharp, conscequences are the thing, such as the TV going off for 10 minutes! Grounding for the rest of his life is not the answer.

My daughter - age 9

Whinging & talking like a 3 year old while answering back - my daughter doesn't take the hint in public, you know the huge wide piercing eye one that all mothers have the ability to do, my son will stop immediately, but my daughter she carries on regardless, touching, arguing, I trying saying her name sternly, through gritted teeth and she goes on and on in a high pitched 3 year old tone, not that she behaved like that when she was 3, I think I had control then. This then results in her being put back in the car or taken to a quite corner of the shopping centre and once more I find myself ranting 'I'm sick of this behavour, you're behaving like a baby, I can't take you anywhere blah blah BLAH.' And again is there a conscequence, NO, gone are the days where children are afraid of their parents and I mean in a respectful way.

I would have been frightened of getting a row from my mum as it upset me, it seems now I am so used to ranting like a mad women that the kids pay no attention.

So the plan is to sit the kids down and explain the new rules and what I expect from them and likewise what they expect from me, we will agree the conscequences together and take it from there. No ranting, no mad woman, only conscequences.

Sounds like the perfect positive household.....

We'll see how long it lasts!

PS. I have just noticed this is my 100th post - yeah me!

Does any one else watch The suite life of Zack & Cody or is it just me that's sad enough to use children's TV characters phrases?? If you don't watch it, don't worry you don't need to know what I'm talking about.