Wednesday, 19 September 2007

Sex disappointment

I am not a sex mad woman, much to my husbands disappointment. I find the whole experience pleasant, however, I am more of a morning person, which is useful when your husband is at work. I do tend to 'have the notion' when my husband is not home, as soon as he comes home funnily the notion wares off. Sex is not something I feel I need to talk about, my friends seem to think I am unusual but I am simply tired. I love to have a bath and go to a clean freshly changed bed, to my husband this is a come and take me sign. Unless I am in the mood this infuriates me for a few reasons;


  1. the bed is no longer clean, I could solve this by putting down a towel, but if I was to put down the towel in advance the hubby might get the wrong idea, I could wait til the action starts but then at what point in the proceedings do you announce 'Wait til I get the towel'

  2. I am no longer clean, meaning I have to rewash in the morning and that is not on the morning schedule. I have no solution!

  3. It keeps me awake for another 30 minutes, not the action, it's over in about 5 minutes, 3 minutes to talk me into it and 2 minutes to do the deed itself. Obviously the stimulation wakes me up and I find myself gibbering like a budgie, meanwhile hubby has rolled over and is snoring. Clearly the relief lets him sleep peacefully.

I am quite shy and inexperienced when it comes to sex, I have at the age of 35 only had 2 sexual partners, one of which I have been married to for 11 years but spent the last 16 years with. Every now and again I think I must make an effort and buy some books or perhaps go mad and get a pornographic movie, which I might add I have never watched in my life, but any of my friends would have no problem providing me with such materials, I'm sure they feel sorry for hubby and would be delighted I am taking an interest. But where do you find the time and the privacy? I did once book us into a hotel for an overnight stay with the intention of spending hours discovering each others bodies, we had a little quickie in the afternoon, went to the pub, had dinner, went back to the room and hubby feel asleep watching a film! We then sleep so late we had to get up and leave the room immediately.

Why I talked today, I have discovered www.lindystars.blogspot.com where she talks about sex, at first I was embarrassed, reading without comment, however now I am openly commenting, she is hilarious and made me realise sex is rather funny, in fact I have never laughed out loud so much for a long time. Although I am a little prudish I have no problem answering my children's awkward questions, my son is 10 and has started talking about sex and his peAnis, we did correct him but I think it ruined his day, he thought it was PeAnis because you pea-ed out of it, we then proceeded to talk at great length about the spelling and difference between pea, pee and penis, tuns out him and his friends have been looking up 'dirty' words in the dictionary.

Anyway I am the proud owner of a rabbit to which my friends use as a great example to convert any female who doesn't own a battery operated implement - even Nicola's got one they jest. Obviously my reputation proceeds me.

So today I would like to leave you with this.

THE LORDS PRAYER

My vibro, which brings me heaven.

Rabbit be thy name.

Til kingdom come, thy makest me cum, on earth with eyes on heaven.

Give me this day my daily thrill & forgive me my screams, as I forgive flat batteries.

Lead me not into temptation, but deliver me from frustration.

For thine is the rotation, the power and the buzzing.

Forever and even.

No men!

5 comments:

Lindystar the HOR blogger said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lindystar the HOR blogger said...

Lindystar the HOR blogger said...
AAAWWWWWWW *blush*

Honestly? I know what you mean about taking a shower and then getting all dirty agian. I'm the same way! AND my man is gone in the morning AND I'm tired at night when he SHOULD be tired too. I feel like I'm on a similar boat as you. I won't say the SAME because I'm not yet married and I'm not into insulting you.

Ya know I feel sometimes sex is like exercise (or going to church) in the respect that unless you do it all the time it's hard to just PICK UP and get started again. Do you get what I mean?

I'd be kind of pissed if C. followed the 2 minutes and roll over rule like your husband and I can't say I blame you for being kind of burned by that. C. might have a 2 minute-er sometimes but he's at least always willing to finish me off with another go or at least MANUALY!

About getting dirty after you just took a shower - at least if you go into the fun clean you're more likely to get some oral action (YAY) and if not then HE'S the one that needs to be reading a book.

Maybe you could try this option -
Take your shower a half hour early, and lure that man into bed a half hour early ON PURPOSE and with a sexual intent. Heck, do it 40 minutes early so after you're finished you'll have time to go and clean yourself up. Nothing like a quick sponge bath. Even if you're tired give it a try and maybe after you do it a few days or off and on for a few days you'll be able to get into the groove again (like I said it's not easy to get in the groove but it's WORTH it ;)

Does reading dirty books ever get you reved up? I know it does me (not like nasty dirty but like Jennifer Cruise, Tami Hoag dirty) If so you could help yourself to get the feeling going at night by reading for a bit after you get out of the shower and before your early bed time ;)

As for the sheets? To hell with the sheets -you having an orgasm is WAY better - and if he makes a mess just put a towel over it.

Ok so this is A LOT of unsolicited advice, I'm an idiot like that, feel free to take back all the nice things you said about me if you're pissed. :)
And for heavens sake don't feel like you have to respond or answer any of my questions, I'm just trying to help and get you to thinkin. Good luck!!!

Lindy

Self employed mum said...

Hey Lindy, thanks for your advise, maybe I painted the 2 minuter like it's always like that, I have to say it's not, only if I have to be persuaded, then I think his theory is I better get this over with before the moaning starts!

As for the oral, whenever I'm clean it's a cert, dirty books, I have never read in my life, I'd have to find a really high shelf so the kids didn't find them - my 10 yr old was last night informing me at bedtime, 'did you know some people call their 'boaby' (which is what it's called in our house) a willie?' 'I did' I said, 'did you also know some people also call it a (whisper) dick?' 'I did' I said, I then decided to tell him that knob was also a name used, I want to be as open as possible in order that he can be fully aware and I feel it's important to talk especially when he brings it up.

Anyway as for the sheets, you are absolutely right Orgasm v clean sheets.....no contest x

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